Uncensored
feb 11
insight

Classical music is really soohing for me. usually is, anyway, and this is no exception though it isn't truly classical music. It's symphonic, all right, but not classical. Unless you consider Pink Floyd classical... which in some waysit is.

I'm listeningto symphonic pink floyd,and beingsoothed by it, with Meghan asleep next to me and me fighting this keyboard for who's boss. So far I think I'm winning for the most part. Fewtypos so far, but i'm deliberately leaving them trhere... this is, after all, uncensored.

It's beena an interesting week. I've beem here at Meghans for a goodpart of it, since last Wednesday. It's now been a week in full. Thoughts have settled down some, and something that she said the other night has really stuck in my mind: "Cherie loved me. And I loved her, I guess. We just weren't compatible." They weren't compatible. Because meghan is poly and cherie is monogamous.

Perhaps that's whjere myanswr is. We just aren't compatible, alex and I. yet I can't imagine myself without him. I can't imagine not having him to be there for me, to hold me like only hecan. I love him morethan life itself, that has not changed. What's changed is that I also love another and want -- maybe need -- a chance to be young and free anbd irresponsible and go out and have fun like you can only do when you're single. I need to date around, and alex can;t handle that in me. I could go with him, be secure with him, stay at home and sleeo if I want, and be with the man I love... or I could act my age and date around and generally enjoy life as it comes to me, both the good and the bad.

The answer is clear to my mind.

But it still isn't clear to my heart.

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