mar 12

I don't know what's been going on in my head lately . Yesterday I wigged big time, kept vouncing betqween manic and depressed and a lot of the time was both at once. Yesterday, night before. today. I don't know. It's all a bulur. I've been so out of it. I lost my job. I haven't cared enough to find a new one though I did make a call around 9am today er yesterday I guess since it's after midnigt with a contracting company, TEK industries or something, so maybe that'll bear fruut. Been having bizarre dreams about i don't know what and generally being unsyre of my surroundings. And getting bored off my ass. I've got angband and boggle and all the other little games on this thing and I'm downloading more and I hae my book that I'm only half donme with but I'm still getting bored... you can only do one thing for so long beforei it startes to get old. I have email to catch up on too, been doing that some as well but generally have no idea what's going on in the outside workd. I don't think I've been dressed in a day. but I don't care about any of that. I keep wanting ice cream and I keep wanting to get drunk but I know at least the drinking is a Bad Idea for me at the moment because of the 4 times I've ever been drunk, 3 of them have eneded in a big crash on my part and I can't handly that anymore. and it's not just any 3, it's the last three, since this thing with Steve started.

About that.... I'm back with him now ona lighter scale/. I guess I'll consider him my boyfriend, at least for a while. Haven'y bbeen wearing my engagement ring but then I haven't gotten rid of it either... oh that would be cruel. I wouldn't be able to do that even if it wasn't apt to kill steve. No, I htink ofor noqw I sttill want him but onaa much smaller scale. And I've been staying with Nicki and that's a little less stressful thatn that hous but I really do miss the apartment. Or even his parents' house.... thiough if I don't get a new job soon that's probably where we'll end up. Oh joyu.

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