may 6

So i haven't written in a while. SO what. I"mve just had more going on than I care to deal with. The lately stuff has been good though. Met a couple online that we'vbe been spending a lot of time with,. Steve is out of my life so I'm free to bne me. Had a couple sex-only encounters. met ac ouple at a poly thing who i just hit it off with, and they'bve made their interest in me and nicki clear. looks like we'll all be happy . once they're done with finals anyway.

so we've got tim and gina to snuggle and kiss and we're generally happy. I've fallen in love with tim. i fall in love so faast. I told nicki it was because I just have so much love in my heart I can't help it. She thought that was the cutest th ing she'd ever heard. It's true, though. Tim's been the more affectionate of the two but that's mostly just because he's more affectionate in general. we've done a lot of cuddling with him these past few days (just met him saturday at RHPS, so 4 days ago). Last night I found myself just gazing at him... and I recognised that gaze and the feeling to go with it. It's love. Took me a few hours to finally decide I should tell hiim. I knew he'd take it okay, even if it seemed to be moving a little fast. He's not the kind of guy to run at something like that. I was right. His answer was "we better hope Gina likes you guys then". She does, it's just the shyness thing taking over mostly right now. She kissed me this morning after we took them to breakfast (nicki and I had stayed up all night listening to tim talk about his life). Tim says that's a really big step for her. So I'm happy. Then we snuggled and napped for a few hours, and twice I heard him say, "i love you." I don't know whether he was dreaming about gina and talking in his sleep but I'm guessing he was just in a half-awake phase and didn't realize he'd said it aloud. It made me feel so wonderful when he said it... warm and fuzzy all over inside. No matter which it is I know he's wonderful. One of the best guys I've met in a long time... so understanding. Caring, protective... so many more guys would do well to be more like him. Though I suppose that without his experiences in life they wouldn't ever come to the same conclusions.

so I've fallen in love again. Nicki is happy for me. :) I just love being in love... it's such a freeing feeling. I know it sets me up for heartbreak, but I htink i finally realize that it's worth it. I'd rather love totally and completely and suffer the heartbreak later than never let myself love that way.

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