mar 20
yukky stuff

Not feeling well today. Too much of myself in the mirror. Too much of me period. I can feel myself slipping and I don't like it. I hate to think that I could come so far only to go back again. Jon is wonderful... he kept trying to do everything he could to make me feel better, only I didn't feel any better.

Of course, then the pizza came and I had some so I wasn't hungry anymore (I was starting to starve, or so it felt) but it made my self-image worse. I feel like a pig for eating so much. Well, I was hungry. And it was good. But to eat that much right after crying for a good half-0hour about how fat I was getting maybe wasn't such a great idea.

So anyway I'm wondering what I can do to bring myself back down to a reasonable place. I don't expect to be a Kate Moss by any stretch of the imagination, but getting the folds out of where I knew they shouldn't be should at least be a start.

It's one thing to be overweight. It's another to have rolls of fat. Jon hasn't crossed that line yet; I have.


And I need to go back to the other side of it.

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