15 nov
under pressure

The stress monster is getting to me again.

Not only do I want to leave work five minutes after I get there, I'm starting to have some rather lousy self-esteem.

I think I figured out that I can attribute my lack of a sex drive and general boredom with the whole thing to the fact that I no longer feel that I'm attractive. I used to look in the mirror and like what I see; now I just go "ugh." I know why I go "ugh;" it's because of my weight. And I know what I need to do about my weight. I need to get out and exercise. The problem here is getting myself to actually do it.

Not an easy task.

I hate just about every form of exercise. The only sport I like to play is basketball and even then I don't like to really play it, just to fool around. I don't like to run. I like to ski but that's a 3-months-of-the-year thing and I never find the time to go up the mountain anyway. I like to rollerblade but I don't have skates that fit me and I can't afford new ones. I like to dance but I don't know where there are any dance studios around here and I probably wouldn't be able to afford it anyway. On top of that I would be too embarrassed about my body to dress appropriately (I'd probably manage, though). I used to like weights but I don't think I'd want to do that anymore.

One of these days I'm just going to have to bite the bullet and find something. Maybe once we move (that's another thing; we have to move in a few months) I'll go looking again for a dance studio or something.

And then on top of everything and trying to save money, our stove isn't working right. It just started misbehaving out of the blue. I was cooking dinner one night and noticed that the water/butter/seasonings for the stuffing weren't heating. At all. Then I put it on a different burner and when I set it to "low" it burned because apparently the other three burners forgot they had anything but "high." Which makes it that much more difficult to cook (which I don't like to do to begin with) which in turn causes us to eat out more and spend more money.

{Last} {Next}
{ Where's the frames? }