4 july
yankee doodle


Dunno why I'm writing. I had something to say but I can't remember right this moment.

Oh yeah.

For a long time I've known there's something in my head that I can't access. I know that no one uses all of their brain power, but it doesn't bother most people. For me, however, it takes the form of background noise, like the static on the television when you're on a channel that doesn't come in. It's a constant buzzing in the back of my head. I've come to attribute my insomnia to it (there's always something going on in my head, and my brain has trouble calming down enough for sleep), and I've always thought that it was something from my past that I've locked away and lost the key.

I was trying to focus on that part of my brain in hopes of finding the key and getting really frustrated at my lack of ability to focus the other night, and the next day I talked to Tyson about it, in hopes he could give me some insight on where to start. We tried, and I just couldn't figure out how to separate one bit of gibberish from the rest of the gibberish, when he made a comment that made me realize something.

This stuff in my head is probably not from my own past after all. When you come down to it, I don't have any real significant gaps in my memories. I did for a while but I've uncovered the worst of the memories and what's left is no less memory than anyone else has about their childhood. This background noise that I'm hearing all the time is something completely different. It has nothing to do with what's happened to me in this life. Maybe it doesn't have anything to do with me at all. Maybe it's memories of past lives. Maybe it's some hidden knowledge that everyone has but few can access. maybe it's star charts (anyone seen Flight of the Navigator?). I don't know... but it's a big relief that it's not something that I've forgotton... rather, it's something that I never knew.


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