16 july
melancholy blues


"Depression" is the wrong word for this. i was depressed for a long time and this is something different. I think "melancholy" is a better word.

I like that word.

Basically I think it's pretty much stress-induced. I've just been sad for the last week or so. I know there's bits an pieces of my job, and Tyson's job, and our different schedules (that's a big chunk, maybe over half the problem), and the fact that he smokes... but I can't shake the feeling that something else is in there too. Then again, that could just be paranoia, and another manifestation of the same problem. Not entirely sure what to do about this though. i'm fairly certain this is temporary. It has real reasons that I can see.

Taking care of them is another matter, but at least I gave Tyson something to think about for one of them. He's decided not to quit his job just yet because they told him that they're thinking about making an internal web department and putting him in it. The thing is, I know how things around there work, and I personally doubt they'll go through with it anytime soon... and whether that's even a good career move in a company that's about to be bought out is highly questionable. I suggested he give them a month to at least come up with a timeline for creating a department like that, and pointed out that starting something like that is bound to take several months at best, so if they don't at least have a timeline for it soon, then they aren't serious enough about it for it to be worth his time. Another thing I didn't mention to him because I just now remembered it is that if he does give his 2-week notice when he quits like a good boy, they could still hire him again later once the position was available. something to think about.

Taking care of the big one isn't as hard as the little bits, fortunately. the next time the shift changes come up for him, he says he'll try to get a different shift that matches my schedule better. Anything that wouldn't require us both to fuck ourselves over every weekend would be nice.

Taking care of my job is another matter entirely. anytime we hve a queue I start to stress out and I'm just so burnt out with tech support anyway, it's becoming such a drag to go to work. I don't have any time to relax. I'm also rather frustrated that I didn't do even better when they did the re-org at work, and I know that I didn't do better because of my attendance. What really frustrates me to no end is that if they'd done it a month later, most of those points for my attendance would have been dropped and I probably would have made the higher position. I suppose I do have a chance later, and they're doing this again in December, but still. For now it doesn't help me any. I'm so tired of the position I'm in.

I'm just tired, period.

I need a new bed. Maybe I should save up some money and do that. Get something that isn't a futon with a metal frame. I haven't decided whether I want another futon and just a wooden frame and a much thicker mattress, or a regular bed, but it needs to be something. I kind of like the futon just because in the future when I move in with someone again I can make it a living room or guest room bit of furniture instead of a bedroom bit.


{ Where's the frames? }