Prelude
i want to lose myself tonight leave my body to do its thing let my mind wander i want to be what i want to be and that's so hard for me because its so hard to lose oneself when the dangers of society blanket life were i to lose myself i'd suffer perhaps arrested for indecency but the human body is natural we were born naked we are always naked under our clothes culture is the only reason we don't live naked. i want to lose myself tonight lose myself to myself completely let my instincts take control sex drugs life living they are all the same living breathing dancing sleeping it is all the same expression is lacking because of repression i want to dance skyclad under the moonlight it is beltane, i want to celebrate. immerse myself in myself immerse myself in love and spirit immerse myself in nature bathe in the moonlight celebrate life with my sister the moon life, death, everything, nothing all is one one is all everything cries everything sleeps everyone dies everyone weeps bliss is the death that is life happiness: woman and wife i imagine myself naked, in a warm pool of water, a creek, a natural stream. perfectly clear water, morning of the day. a smile on my face, my hair long and dark floating upstream floating, floating enjoying life that perfect happiness is this joy i call to celebrate beltane
5/1/98 3:04am
Dance
her hands my breasts cooperating and clashing her mouth my lips crashing and cooperating then OH MY GOD I'M MAKING LOVE TO JIM then she is he and he is she then both are he and both are she then she is i and i is she looking at me then i is he and she is me then i love and she is she and i is me and he is three
5/1/98 3:38am
Postlude
and i is me. and then that song comes on and i am smooth my mind goes back to that stream clear and lovely just floating and i recall i felt ray's fingers play my lips like his organ when she was he my soul is floating upstream back down to my body floating as a leaf in a breezeless day my body just floats upstream a shot of cold smoothes my mind like butter to a flame i melt my body and become one with the lake then up comes the music and down goes me and the friction another coolnes and oh my god yes that was the dance and now my mind melts like the caramel just picture me covering little bits of popcorn all over its the mellow you know mellow jello yellow cello fellow trebelo er that's tremelo and i rock to the beat and my brain melts off the popcorn to my teeth and the taste and texture completely separate and are the munchies always this great? the killer awoke before dawn he put his boots on he took a face from the ancient gallery and he walked on down the hall and he went into the room where his sister lived and then he paid a visit to his brother and then he he walked on down the hall and he came to a door and he looked inside "father?" "yes son?" "i'm going to kill you." "mother? "i...want...to... "FUCK YOU!" i love this song my high came faster than my low i haven't reached it yet this is good this is life life is good. munch by now i am completely melted into the stream that became a river that became a lake the bits of popcorn munched away gradually completely smooth this is close to what i wanted to do tonight though not quite there about as close as i can come withough getting caught doing anything illegal This is the End.
5/1/98 4:12am