Identity

My identity is changing.

I've always maintained that I'm more attracted to women than men, but emotionally I can be attracted to either gender. I considered myself to be far closer to lesbian than straight, but always identified as bisexual.

That doesn't explain what actually happens, however.

Physically, I am without question far more attracted to women in general. Men will rarely turn my head just based on appearance alone, while that happens quite frequently with women. They are beautiful people, and watching one masturbate is one of my biggest turn-ons. I love watching women, I love going down on women, I love putting on a strapon and fucking them.

However, I always seem to find a far stronger emotional bond with men. Maybe it's because it's too hard for me to get close to a woman (I guess that would require getting up the courage to talk to one, no?) or maybe I'm not programmed that way. I don't see any reason why, in theory, I can't feel an emotional bond to either gender. But in practice it's nearly always men.

I suppose my theoretical identity, then, would be a bisexual with primarily lesbian tendancies. Unfortunately, that doesn't reflect my life.

So. I give up. I'm just going to call myself bisexual and be done with it because I like both genders though it would seem to be in different ways. How I relate to them is going to be too fluid to bother trying to pinpoint where, exactly, on the Kinsey scale I am. Mostly because I can't decide which set of attractions I want to base that on.