i dont want i dont want i dont want i dont want
go away go away go away go away go away
"Where are you, babe?"
im hiding and you wont find me wont wont wont
"I know you're here somewhere."
just go away leave me alone
"Ah, there you are."
oh no not now i dont want it now i cant take it now
"You know I only want to love you Sara."
why am i nodding i shouldnt nod
"I know you like to feel good, Sara."
but its wrong it hurts i know its wrong
"There, doesn't that feel good?"
"You were a good girl today. Here, have some candy."
i dont want your candy i want you to go away
"Now remember not to tell mommy. You remember last time you told her she hit you and said you shouldn't say such things. She called you a bad girl for doing it, didn't she?"
yes she did
"So remember, just between us."
just between us
"That's a good girl."
Sara watches him leave. She is crying. He was wrong, it didn't feel good, it HURT, but she could never say anything, only nod. And she always cried when he left. He was right about mommy, though. Mommy didn't believe her when she told. She only hit her and told her not to be a tramp. What's a tramp? She doesn't know what a tramp is.
She pulls her underpants up and crawls under the covers and holds tightly to her teddy bear, still crying. She wants to die. She wishes she was never born. She wants everything to go away.
Her 5th birthday is tomorrow and she knows it won't get any better.