I think some of it has to do with the fact that I'm back doing tech support again. I hate tech support. I suppose it wouldn't be so bad if I charged people $50/hour in half hour increments to go out and fix their systems for them or something but doing it over the phone just bites. So instead of enjoying my job, I'm dreading it.
But that's not all of it.
My sex drive has been lacking. There's nights that I'm on fire but otherwise I'm not really interested. I'd rather read a book. And I try o get myself interested enough to satisfy Jon but that shouldn't be as difficult as it is.
I think part of the problem is in where my attractions lie. For as long as I can remember, I've always been more physically attracted to women. In fact I've hardly been physically attracted to men at all. However, I've always been more spiritually attracted to men. And since I'm the kind of person to follow my heart instead of my hormones, I've dated a lot more men than I have women.
So this creates an interesting dilemma. How can I have my sexual urges satisfied along with my spiritual? Well my usual answer is "polyamory." Have a boyfriend as a primary relationship and date women on the side. Only problem is I hate putting anyone in the position of the secondary relationship and that the whole mess doesn't tend to work in practice. So I don't know. Find a woman that thinks like a man? Nice theory, but doesn't ever happen. Wouldn't want that either because a lot of that is what makes the men physically unattractive. That, and Jon is great... I'm in love with him, I love being with him. I don't want to leave him.
I just have to figure out what to do with myself.